The Cold Hard Truth

STRAIGHT NO CHASER!

It is amazing how offended people get by someone who tells them where they fall short. People who take a direct approach like Charlamagne ThaGod, Kevin Samuels, Wendy Williams, Joe Budden, and Howard Stern all get a bad rap for speaking their minds. Not once have I witnessed someone thank these people for calling them out on their bullshit and shortfalls. People are not receptive to change because they believe their way is the best way. When playing chess it may be wise to ever so often get up and analyze the board from different angles before making your next move.

I love playing chess, but there is nothing like playing with someone who can tell you what not to do, by merely pointing at another piece on the board (while looking you in your eyes), with a straight face to let you know you are making a detrimental mistake if you proceed. My friend Eldon does this every time we play and I forever appreciate him for correcting me in that manner. The level of confidence he displays during the silent correction lets me know that he knows his shit and I need to level up quickly or stop wasting his time if I intend to play another game with someone of his caliber. This approach is necessary and will serve as a constant reminder the next time I think I’m worthy enough to catch a game with an opponent of his magnitude.

APPROACH

There is something refreshing about a straight shooter because you always know what to expect from a person who has no ulterior motives or malicious intentions. However, for most (at least in America) people prefer to have their feelings spared and their pillow fluffed prior to receiving an authentic, organic, and honest answer. Direct answers are often misinterpreted as aggressive and insensitive. Even I have been guilty of looking at my phone with a confused expression (and ignoring the message) after someone texts me something without first bidding me the time of day. Is it petty? Maybe. However, you teach people how to treat you, and if you respond to just any type of treatment, you will be treated just any type of way. Its more petty of someone to know my requirements and intentionally ignore my them. Someone's approach could be something that I look past and I may be missing experiences, opportunities, and good people. However, I have my standards, you can either meet me there or beat me there. The inconvenience with communicating electronically is that you receive empty messages that force you to (over)compensate for lack of tone, expression, and intent.

INTENT

Now, if someone says something like “that shit is trash” regarding something you are doing wrong, it is important to decipher the intent behind the message. Do not attempt to determine whether the person is coming from a loving place; that is a form of deflection. Instead turn inward and without internalizing whether the nature of who delivered the message and the tone of how the message was delivered, understand you have two choices:

1. Be honest with yourself and determine whether you can do better.

2. Ask the person who is providing the constructive criticism to enlighten you on how they believe your trash effort could be better.

If they fail to provide an answer of substance or simplicity, it is safe to classify them as a hater with the inability to make your situation better or accomplish what you have accomplished, so they have to sit on the sidelines and analyze your game from an observer’s perspective. Is it okay for people to have opinions? Sure. However, you cannot take opinions to the bank and cash them. Additionally, never take advice from someone you are not willing to change places with.

UNDERSTANDING

People you speak to are not responsible for your interpretation of their message. Your understanding is a direct reflection of your life-exposure, experience, and ability to keep an open mind. If you are not receptive to criticism, you will never achieve mastery. Taking offense only wastes time and prolongs the inevitable analytic and self-repair. Even Michael Jordan needed a head coach to teach him how to get his head in the game and guide him from a less emotional style of playing, to a cognitive approach of performing. No matter how the information is conveyed to someone who knows they have to open their mind up if they want to win, all the GOATS understand that honesty is not personal, it’s perspicuous. (per·spic·u·ous – Clearly expressed and easily understood)

Which communication style do you most prefer?

A. Direct

B. Warm

C. Mix it up